Before August 17- Brain Dump

My Life….

Are.

You.

Ready.

Are.

You.

Sure.

Sigh lol

Okay so my life really isn't that bad...It can be absolutely overwhelming at times, but it's not bad. I fully understand that it could be worse.

Let's see... How do I want to do this.

Maybe I'll just do a brain dump of me and my life in a nutshell and I'll elaborate if anyone asks questions.

First I'll be honest with you, Yasmine isn't my first name. Yasmine Borsedene is an anagram for my real name. I am a 35 year old woman, an Aquarius. A wife, who has been with her husband for nearly 20 years. I am a mom of three- my daughter just became an adult, my youngest turns 8 this month and my middle is eleven.

I work with those with disabilities as my day job, and write on the side.

Things I like, are camping, boating, rocks, reading, writing, anything witchy, ghosts are my favorite...Hmmm, I like organized chaos, I don't want to be crammed into a box, but I like the idea of knowing there's a box to fall into. My ducks don't necessarily have to be in a row, but I do like to know where they are. Those of you that are my people will understand this completely I'm sure.

So to give you some perspective what's bouncing around in my head right now I think I should say hat is going on in my life right now. Maybe it will help you understand why I'm thinking the way that I am.

In no particular order:

We're on our way home from vacation today- I just spent a week floating in a lake and it was glorious. it's an 8 hour trip home according to the maps, however, it took us 7 hours to drive what should have been 4 last night, and it was raining so hard we called it a night and slept at a truck stop. We should have had 4 hours to go this morning (250 miles) we got rolling about 8AM, it's 12:13 and we're not home yet. My dad's van overheated, and then the battery light was being weird. Thankfully we were able to run my brother to the part store and we fixed the van. I'm guessing we will be home around 2, or at least that's what I'm hoping for.

Today is my oldest last day of summer vacation ever. Tomorrow she starts her senior year. This is a really hard pill to swallow. Very Very Very HARD.

I didn't talk to my mom much this week, just when my dad was talking with her. I hate to say I didn't have time, but in reality that's how it felt. I woke up, too maybe 1/2 hour or so to myself drinking coffee watching the sun rise. (it would be way too early to call her) then I got breakfast together, I typically cut fresh hash browns, did either bacon or sausage, French toast or pancakes, and eggs. By the time I cooked, ate, and cleaned up, it was time to pack the boat bags and head out onto the lake. Depending on where we were on the lake depended on if we had service. We would get back at night, I'd cook, clean up, shower, and go to bed. So while it was vacation I literally ran from 5am-11pm every day. I just feel guilty I guess. I did post a few lives of us cruising so she could cruise with us. Corny, yeah...but I liked the idea.

Let's dive a little deeper into my mother.

She has end stage COPD. For the last couple of years every few months she would end up in the hospital for a week or two because of a COPD flare. It's just become a normal thing. Well this years been a little different. She's either been in a nursing home, or the hospital since April. The COPD flare has kept her in the hospital for weeks, and by the time she's ready to be discharged she's been too weak to come home without care.

She got out of the nursing home for a week last time before she ended up back into the hospital last time. It's just a lot, and a lot of unknowns. We don't know when her insurance is going to kick her out of the nursing home, she literally just started walking again... I work full time, my brother works full time, my dad's job takes him away for days at a time. There is no one that can be there, and like I said she can't be alone.

Let's swap parents shall we? My dad is going through pre-treatments for prostate cancer. He goes Friday to get the gold pieces attached to begin his radiation.

They believe they caught this early enough that between the hormone treatments and the radiation that he should be fine.

*mini rant-because I can, do you know what probably threw my mom back into the hospital the second time after she was home for a week...Smoking, she started smoking again. after like two months in the hospital and nursing home where she couldn't smoke, wham bam, back at it. My dad...even with this cancer diagnosis, he's still smoking 3+ packs of cigarettes a day. flkjgdfkgjoiashg <- intentional.

My job has been a little stressful lately. I am scheduling and on call, and we've been a bit short staffed, so I worked quite a bit the few weeks leading up to vacation. I don't exactly know the state of everything, and probably won't until tomorrow when I go back. They were awesome and let me actually take a vacation and turn that part of my brain off. I have been there almost a year and aside from when my appendix ruptured the end of March into April and I was in the hospital for 6 days I haven't took any time off, I was off that week from on-call, and then the following week I worked from home.

I'm sure this week I'll be diving back into covering shifts, and juggling life, it's okay.

Let's see what else has really been taking up space in my brain.

My house.

Again, I am not a neat freak, I'm an organized chaos person. But here lately there has been more chaos than organization in my house, and it is really really bugging me. No matter what I do I can not keep on top of all the house things, and my work things, and my family things. Let alone writing, which is my happy place, not necessarily work. My house though. I have to do something. I started purging before we left on vacation, I think I'm going to keep that trend. You see we have a small house, it's not quite big enough for us, but with the cost of housing right now, we're just going to keep on being mortgage free. We own this, and we're going to make it work until something happens.

We actually just turned our living room into two bedrooms for the kids before summer started because they're bed rooms were small and upstairs in the peak and air conditioners just weren't keeping up, and they're getting bigger...and we just figured why not. Our room is oddly shaped and big enough, so we just put a big TV in there and some comfy chairs, and it's like a living room for now.

We're going to probably end up putting an addition on, we just haven't decided all the things yet. So we are just making it work for now.

My writing life died with Kindle Vella, when my income went from 8-10k a month to zero virtually overnight, I could no longer put my time or effort into it. The cost of life is too high. I truly love writing though, it's still my long term goal. I want to build a M@rvel universe of my own and have an empire that I can leave my kids and future family.

Okay well that's a snapshot of my brain and what's on it right now. I will be back later to talk more.